The flight to the west coast was a bit of a drag. They don’t design airplanes for short people. Since I’m tall it’s even worse. I’m not afraid to fly but the thought of my body’s dissemination into the atmosphere is, well, disturbing. Fortunately the captain had a Sullenbergeresque mustache and I was much comforted.
The first leg was fine. On the second leg the guy in front of me immediately reclined his seat and hunched over his tray table to watch a movie. I didn’t say a word, naturally.
Seated beside me, for four hours, was an expert on whole body health. I learned how the red dye in my M&Ms was slowly poisoning me, that milk was slowly poisoning me, that my Coca-Cola was, you guessed it, slowly poisoning me. She whipped out her iPad and watched a new age documentary. Then Avatar. When she stretched and yawned it was apparent she wasn’t wearing deodorant. I didn’t get a lecture about how the chemicals in my deodorant were killing me. Small mercies and all that.
After landing at Sea-Tac she asked me if the flight was long for me. Four hours squished into a space that isn’t designed to fit someone 4 inches shorter than me while being lectured about the lethality of candy corn, wishing I had bought that pair of swimmer’s nose clips yesterday. “Yes”.
“That is why it was long. Life is what you make of it”.
I wish I were kidding. I looked behind me to see if I was on the Tony Robbins version of Candid Camera.
The other person in the row was quiet the entire time. So, to bring this post back to SQL Server, my stats tell me that 50% of the people I meet are going to tell me that the leather in my shoes is going to make my feet fall off while the other half will ignore me.
Maybe I should increase my sample size.